A few days ago, former Chief Studmeister of the Known Universe, a man by the name of Abishek Gunguburunga, passed away at the age of 87. He was 87 years old at the time. He held the title of Chief Studmeister of the Known Universe for a period of 53 years. During that time he banged hotties from Delhi to Darwin to Detroit. In fact, the major condom manufactures claim that 10% of their sales were made to him alone.
After his passing, a council was formed to find the next Chief Studmeister of the Known Universe. The council members follow a number of signs that indicate where the next Chief Studmeister is located. The search is not unlike the search for the reincarnated spirit of a deceased Tibetan Lama. The council was composed of various Ultra Hotties, who are the only people who are able to distinguish between a regular studmeister and Chief Studmeister of the Known Universe.
Ultra Hottie and Council Member Methinee Kingpayome
The search started about a week ago. First of all, the council members looked at the body of the deceased Chief, which can give a number of clue as to the location of the next Chief. They first inspected his knob. It was pointing north and his right testicle had more hair than the left which was a sign (according to tradition) that the next Chief lived in Northern America. Next, they built a bonfire and burned an issue of Hustler. The smoke from the Hustler magazine was white, which told the council that the next Chief would be located in a cold place. The council members felt confident that the could narrow their search to the northern states in the U.S. and Canada. They flew to Buffalo, New York and performed the next step in the ritual search. They taped a map of North America to the hall in their hotel room and tossed a handful of vaseline at it. A big glob of Vaseline landed right on Saskatchewan.
The Ultra Hotties nodded knowingly to one another, grabbed their bags, checked out and took the next flight to Saskatchewan. Their flight landed in Regina. After getting off the plan, the Ultra hotties headed straight to the Saskatchewan legislature and told the Members of Parliament about their search. As they were giving their speech, the Ultra Hotties kept a close eye on the MPs and noticed that one of the Saskatoon MPs scratched his balls. The Ultra Hotties knew immediately that was where the next Chief Studmeister could be found. They hopped on a bus and by that afternoon they were in Saskatoon. As soon as they debarked the plane, the could feel the presence of the next Chief Studmeister. They were close enough that they no longer needed any signs to guide them: their now rock-hard nipples would lead them to their final destination.
Thirty minutes later I heard a knock on the door. I was busy boning a baker's dozen of hotties at the time, but something told me I should answer it. I got up, got dressed and walked to the door. When I opened it, I was surprised (well, mildly surprised) to see a throng of Ultra Hotties outside my door with nipples hard enough to puncture the hull of a Norwegian fishing trawler.I, being a kind and civilized individual, introduced myself and invited the women inside. They took a seat on my couch and told me their story. When they were finished, one of the hotties asked me if I thought I was the Chief Studmeister of the Known Universe. I took a moment to reflect back on my lifetime of boning hotties. I looked at the Ultra Hotties, gave them a nod and said "absolutely."
One of the Ultra Hotties then looked at me and said, "All signs point to you, Fluwten McGunch. But we need one final piece of irrefutable evidence that tells us that you are indeed the Chief Studmeister of the Known Universe."
I leaned back in my chair and thought about what evidence I could provide. The hotties waiting for me down the hall in the bedroom? Sworn testimony from all the hotties I have nailed in the past? My VIP Blockbuster card? Hmmm. Then, I knew exactly what I had to do. I stood up and looked one at time at each Ultra Hottie square in the eyes. I then said, "You want evidence of my Supreme Studliiciousness? Well, here it is ladies." I then reached down, unzipped my pants and let my jeans and underwear fall to the floor. Just then the clouds parted and a single ray of sunlight streamed through the living room window.
The light bounced off my glistening scrotum and filled the room with a heavenly glow. The Ultra Hotties jumped off the couch, prostrated themselves before me and declared me Chief Studmeister of the Known Universe. Then I nailed them all right in the ass.
