The perfect dildo

Well, a while ago I wrote a piece about the perfect condom. I figured now is the time to update the product line. After painstaking hours of research, I have come up with a design for the perfect dildo. Naturally the easier way to bring a woman to climax is to show her a photo of me, but not everyone has a photo of me handy at all times. Also, what about the blind chicks who aren't blessed with the opportunity to gazing upon my studliness? All they can do is nail me or give me a tug if the opportunity presents itself (blind chicks if you want to give me a tug, I'll be waiting in the the last stall in the men's washroom at the Sears on 11th street tomorrow from 3:10 to 3:30 or later if need be).

All right - it's time for the main event. Fear no more ladies. Here it is:




This is the dildo of the future. I mean that - literally. I traveled forward in time, hunted down the leading expert in dildo technologies (a researcher by the name of Ivan Tugetzimvet) and brought back the technology to 2007. The dildo design may look simple, but is truly a work of both genius and simplicity. The shell of the dildo is made from virgin carbon fiber. The inner core of the didlo is hollow except for one single strip of Saskatchewan back bacon. Why? Because da women loves the back bacon.

As for the design, you may have noticed that there are three protruding elements. Two of the elements are designed for simultaneous vaginal and anal insertion. Well, what about the third protruding element you ask? Think about it. You come home from work and find your wife/girlfriend/concubine sprawled on the couch with a McGunchinator up Route A and Route B. You look closer and you see a third protruding element on the dildo. You are puzzled for a moment trying to figure out what the hell it is for. Then, finally you understand. The third protruding element is a coat hook. You nod your head in appreciation of the McGunch genius, toss your coat on the hook and grab a beer from the fridge.

I am fucking AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!